"down there"

i just bumped my shin ever so gently on the leg of a chair and winced in pain. my legs are really starting to feel the 13.1 miles of running i put on them this morning. 'recovery' .. new territory for me to figure out. once we got home from mankato, i lay in an ice bath for 16 minutes and caught up on my words with friends games. i napped for 2 hours. i'm going to pop some ibuprofin drink a bunch more water and hit my sack soon. maybe elevate my legs while i sleep. go for a walk tomorrow. this half-marathoner willl play it by ear.

last night i realized i was missing a mantra. i put out a call to my facebook peeps for some ideas and connected with two mantras that i used today. "I've got moxy!" and "Think strong. Be strong. Finish strong." both were key to helping me clock a superfast final 5k in the race and so i'll shout out a thanks to Mike C for the first one and Mike S for a link that scored me the second one. the mikes are looking out for me.

pitfalls to avoid for a half marathon:

• do not write your mantra and race plan with sharpie on your arm and hand the night before the race. i wrote my mantra in red and a few other key pieces of information in black. blue sharpie had my three goals on my hand -- all three goals achieved today!! when i woke up i had my mantra on my forehead from sleeping with my arm resting on my head. my hair had streaks of red on the top. i had blue all over the edges of my cell phone cover. i had to spend 6 precious minutes rubbing it all off with soap and water and rewriting it, that could have been spent on the pot pushing out the you know what. just wait til race morning to get the sharpies out.

• do not set your alarm for 630am and expect to leave the hotel room by 7am, having gotten dressed, ate breakfast, and moved your bowels. now i know... coffee takes a little over one hour to work it's magic. the threat of having to poop while running was at the forefront. at 7am, i felt something. so i sent alan down to the hotel lobby for more coffee. i decided to stay at the hotel an extra 20 minutes and forgo the explicit directions from the pacer that i was to meet at 740am at the start line.  

• do not think that a 10-minute drive will only take 10 minutes. we left the hotel at 723am (with a 10 minute drive to the race start) my butt still full of shit. crap. a 10 minute drive turned into much longer as we went the wrong direction two times and hit a detour. as we finally pulled up to the race start i saw people in hats and gloves and long pants and long sleeves and jackets and i'm like what the fuck the weather forecast yesterday said nothing about blasting wind! it was 50-60 degrees on weather.com. ill-prepared clothing wise i grabbed the long sleeve tech shirt which was the only thing i had to put on. i jumped out of the truck at 752am and ran to the porta potty to go pee. stood in line for 5 minutes jumping up and down as an attempt to stay warm. once in the porta potty to pee, i slipped my tech shirt on under my tshirt and just accepted that my legs were going to be frozen for awhile. the wind would have to slow down at some point i rationalized. but my mood quickly turned to elated when swoosh all my poo fell down the hole-- glory be!!!!

• do not worry about pissing your pants during race. i wasted valuable mental energy wondering if the people i was passing were looking at my butt noticing that my shorts were soaked and at my back legs noticing that gravity was bringing pee streams to my socks. i drank a dixie cup filled half with water at every 2 mile aid station. that is not really that much water. at mile 10, i really got some wheels and ran much faster than the first 10 miles. i had to pee immediately as i pulled away from my wonderful pacing group. in my last race, a 10k, i had to pee super bad the last 3 miles and held it as best i could and then expected to rush to the toilet after. but once that 10k race was over the urge to pee was gone and i didn't have to pee for hours. interesting. so i expected the same would be the case this time around.  so i put peeing out of my mind as a phantom pee urge that wasn't going to trick me this time.

• do not expect one race to be the same as another race. by mile 11.5 i was sure this was no phantom and i was wishing i had been doing kegel exercises all these years like my mom told me to do. i hadn't seen a porta potty for a long time and thought about running down the hill and just squatting but there were so many people around. so, i let loose a tiny and let a little pee out. after about a half a mile i knew kegels were a load of b.s. because over that half mile, i mastered the art of letting a little pee out at a time so as not to have a gushing of pee which would be noticeable to the naked eyes of fellow runners that i was passing. (oh yes, i felt glorious to pass people!!) i could feel the small stream connecting to my socks, but as long as the sun didn't hit my legs just at the right time someone happened to be looking, i felt my secret was safe. everyone looked exhausted that i was passing so i was moderately confident no one cared a lick that i was peeing my pants anyway. my shorts were black and i didn't think would show the soaked state they had become. at mile 12 and some change i spied a porta potty with green vacant indication. oh my god, i was debating about taking 30 seconds to stop and let all this pee out in a normal fashion. i wanted a faster time, but i was sick of this cat and mouse game i was playing down there. ducked into the porta potty and could not believe how much i urinated. where was it all coming from? flew out the door and was back on the road in no time.

following is a copy and paste of some of my answers to my running mentor tonight on facebook chat. i am so dog-tired that i cannot recount the race here and i pretty much did in the chat with my mentor. so read on if you like. complete a half marathon

my original plan -pre tibia muscle dealio - was stay with the 10:41 pace group, i even considered the 10:15 group. i def trained for the 10:41 group and could have knocked out a 2:20 for sure, and i'm sure a 2:15 at my best. but i didn't want my leg to be an issue today because i wanted the race to make me excited about grandmas, not scared of it. i TOTALLY pictured myself running the marathon today during the half! i'm super excited about it! sooooo i picked that slow pace to cushion my leg. and it worked. my legs were no problem at all. the first 10 miles felt like an easy training run. i took my headphones off and chatted for about 4miles of it. i DID want to start running faster many times but forced myself to stick with the plan. i kept telling myself, wait til mile 10, wait til mile 10. at mile ten i decided i would kick it down and run my last 5k as fast as i could, if my leg felt fine up til that point. and it did! so i did! i felt so strong pulling away from the pacer!! that was my fave moment of the race  

my fastest 5k race is 27:00 and i am certain my time was under 30 today and pretty sure it was very close to a 28. i didn't think to set up my ipod to do lap times or whatever to know for sure. but i know what time i left that pacer. and that points to about a 28:10 but it's not exact so i'm just saying sub 30. but that's freaking fast for me after already running 10 miles!!  

i did not have a single negative thought in my mind during the run. in my 10k women rock race i was bombarded with negative self talk and that race was REALLY hard. i pushed myself every second and could not have gone faster... THAT WAS A RACE. i mean i felt like i was racing. today i didn't feel like i was racing. felt like i was training. i didn't cry at the end like i thought i would since i'm so emotional and was crying at the speakers yesterday for gods sake. but i think it's because in my mind i didn't 'race' today.  

but i liked how i was so good to myself with positive feelings!!! so while YES i know i i could have run it much faster than a 2:24:21 i now know i can control myself during a race. i had a very fun time. i felt powerful. i was strong. now i have a personal best half, that i can crush next half. i will race the next one and i will love to hate that race.

yes, i am very good at doing what i'm told with this running business THANK YOU for all your help so far!! i have you on my list of influential people i am writing for each of the 26 miles of the marathon you got me into running, and you have sustained me through the months with support. i get frantic sometimes and you help calm me down with wisdom and advice. i appreciate you so much! thanks!

i high fived LOTS OF kids and adults!! i thanked all the volunteers and i thanks the soldiers for their service. i got that from you, and it makes me feel so good when i say "thank you for volunteering". why in the hell do i even run is what i said to myself over and over in my women rock 10k!! i was SO GLAD that was over! but i knew i ran my best and that was the key part to thrill me. that is why today wasn't as thrilling of a race, because i wasn't running my best. i ran a calculated race, which gave me a good race experience like you said. RUNNING IS SO MENTAL!! wow!!

mankato half marathon madness

following are the pictures in my head two days pre-race as a first time half-marathon runner.  

stop reading HERE if your own picture of me is ladylike and dainty.  carry on if you are okay with no holds barred poop talk.

• i took a shower today.  after, i had extra time to get ready and since i don't wear makeup or fix my hair, i picked up the nail clippers and set to trimming my toe nails.  just before making the first incision, i pictured myself cutting in too deep on a nail and reeling from that toe pain on mile 12.  i whipped those clippers down faster than you can say "you are paying good money to run 13.1 miles?? what an idiot."   

• after giving my recent pooping history a great deal of thought this morning, i realized my bowels have been under active for the past two days.  after picturing a turtle poking it's head out on mile 9,  i promptly drank loads of coffee and then spent beaucoup time in the bathroom vigorously rubbing my outer thighs coaxing over-activity.  i have googled pictures on the internet of peeps that shit their pants in marathons.  i don't want to be the first to do it in a half mary.

• my kids and i ate chipotle (my favorite) for supper yesterday.  last night when my daughter roni and i went to lift weights at the gym, i was stinking up the free weights room over and over.  the farting was ridiculous and amped up at least 10 fold over my usual performance.  fortunately we were the only souls at the gym at 10 on thursday night or i would have had to wrestle with the distracting (not to mention uncomfortable) task of holding it all in.   last night's farting-fracas fresh on my mind ...  i thought of my lunch date today.   my bestie had picked mexican food.   with another dousing of mexican food, i pictured myself with uncontrollable flatulence on race day and i can't handle one more race type thing to worry about.   i demanded a lunch relocation and scarfed down a plate of fettucinni instead.       

• picking a pair of underwear for today was a 2 minute process which is 1 minute 55 seconds longer than it usually takes.  i've no more time to clean laundry before the big race so my first pair sampled had to be tossed back into my undies bin.  it was so comfortable and no muss no fuss that i knew these just had to be my race-day pair.  (why is a single underwear garment referred to as a pair of underwear? because there are two butt cheeks contained inside?  and should the proceeding sentence have started with 'they were' rather than 'it was'?)     i pictured myself being snuggy free on race day. ahhhhh.

 if you think of it on sunday morning, send me thoughts such as these that i will be telling myself over and over when i have the insane urge to walk:

 "keep putting one foot in front of the other, greta"  

"think of that fat burger and double basket of fries waiting for you at the end, greta"

"when it's over you don't have to ever do this again but today you are doing it, keep running, greta"

"some people don't get to run, you do, so get your ass moving, greta"

"your legs are strong.  your legs are willing.  you can ice the shit out of them later, greta"

alright folks, that wraps it up for today's over-sharing of pre-race anxieties.  deep breath.  i can do it.   i can do it.  i can do it.  

that's what MEA is for

set the coffee pot to brew, mike.   pour a cup; i'm bringing back my bloggy blog.  no promises, but i've had the urge to write lately and MEA weekend feels like as good a time as any to set my fingers loose.    i had two bright blue folders in my hands along with the massive department of education checklist for monitoring those files as i was leaving my office today. 

 i turned to have one last look at the tens of tens of box elder bugs that inhabit my office, pointed my middle finger at them, and then i threw those files down on my table.  i fully intended to bring the files home over the 4-day break from school, to start the hours of work they will entail.  but, as it turns out i said fuck you to those files and those nasty creatures that ping against my cheek and arm while i'm responding to emails at work.  i hastily decided to have a vacation instead.  

first up, wine with girlfriends.  i hustled home before i could rethink my decision with the files.   (a decision for which i will pay dearly in my week-day evenings for the next two weeks.)    i brushed my teeth, giddily knowing they would be turning red later.  made a measured decision that i was too lazy to walk or bike to wildflower and possibly too winey to drive home after.  i went in search of al for a lift.  

found him loading the truck and trailer up with cut brush from trimming the overgrown forest in our back yard.  al commented, "i haven't trimmed these since before bert's accident."  ignoring my response of "i don't think you ever trimmed those", i shifted gears and quickly followed up with a compliment about how much yard work he accomplished today.  i was asking for a ride, no need to muddy the waters by highlighting past yard neglect.  

i asked if he wanted help hauling the brush.  and i threw in that the girls were all set for my arrival if he didn't need any help.   a quick no was offered up, yay!, and al's reply to my request for a ride, "certainly! that's what MEA is for right!" was a delight!   we hopped in the truck after loading up a final pile.  

well, no.  not really.  MEA weekend isn't entirely about me chumming around with my lady friends swilling wine and eating soup and candy corn.  as a speech therapist i've neither been interested in nor attended the teacher workshops that MEA promotes.  my speech-specific workshops are in april.   and i plan to, attend those, specifically. 

 for me, MEA is a break from the post-summer SHOCK of being back to full time days of teaching little people.  we've almost been back to it for two months now, and i relish this break.  a teacher must be "on" at all times and my communication challenges this year are top shelf toughies.   break, do your job.  

gotta scoot.  time to share more VOTE NO and running pictures on my facebook.   

 stay up late to write thegretalist for old times sake

shelby shelby shelby

i ran my second 5k this morning.     my very first 5k was a few weeks ago on apr 21 and i ran that in 32:26.   what follows are my musings about the race.  

 i went into the race today with the goal of having fun, as prescribed by so many wise people.   and i actually did have fun.  al went with to cheer me on and take photos and vids for posterity.   every kilometer or so there he was with a beaming smile and hands a clappin and camera a snappin.   it was energizing for sure.

also, i was given fab advice by mike s from the wildflower s family.   they have a fancy door.   and he's a runner.   he suggested i say 'thank you' and give a smile to each volunteer i saw on the road.   even when i felt really tired i forced myself to say 'thanks' and wave.   at this 5k, almost all of the volunteers were police officers in uniform.   every turn i made, cop.   cop cop cop.   i felt plenty protected.   and hopefully they felt plenty thanked.    all my thanking, my waving, and then the stern looks that turned into surprised smiles from the cops  helped keep my mind off the running and like mike and a fellow livestrong.commer says, smilers finish faster!  

i had the lake as backdrop the whole race.  that was pretty, though the haze and misty rain prevented me from taking in it's full beauty i'm sure.  no matter, i had my visor on to keep my eyes clear and dry, once again mike s to the rescue.

but even mike, who seems to know EVERYTHING about running, could not prepare me for the tears that would come at the pre-race festivities.  the race proceeds benefit special olympics minnesota.   shelby was there to tell all the runners (i have attached a number to my shirt so now i'm included in this group) what competing in sports means to him.   he told us what athletic competitions do for his self esteem, his well being, and his spirit.  he rattled off all of his awards and places in his events.  shelby gave us a short history lesson about how the special olympics began and stressed the importance that they continue for many years to come.

he told us all these awesome things by using a dynavox voice output device, as shelby explained that he has autism and isn't able to speak using his voice.   but just like every other person on the planet, he has plenty to say.   so he uses his dynavox to talk.   his mother stood proudly next to shelby as he gave his speech.  i couldn't take my eyes off either of them and could have listened to him talk all day.

shelby smiled often but at one point he wasn't, and his kind mom turned and smiled at him and whispered 'smile'.   he immediately showed his pearly whites and looked up at me.   i had made a ton of eye contact with shelby and his mom during his talk in my near frantic effort to soak up every feeling they wanted us to feel.   i made sure my face showed how appreciative i was that they came to tell us about special olympics.

and when shelby smiled that big smile, and looked right at me,  it was at that very moment that i fell in love with running.

you see, during a run i usually spend a fair amount of time thinking about how lucky i am that i CAN run,  that my body and mind works together to coordinate in order for me to run.  i know how that ability can change in an instant and i see it every day in my own family.   but mostly, while i'm running my overriding thoughts are about how hard it is, about how much i don't like it, about how much i want to stop running and just walk.  i have this inner voice telling me 'no one will know if i stop, i don't even like doing this, quit being a poseur'.     i run four times per week so that kinda sucks to have this voice chanting at me that i'm barking up a ridiculous tree thinking i am a runner.

but shelby helped me shut that voice off.  i didn't hear it in today's run. for the first time that voice shut the hell up.  instead, while i was running today, i was saying to myself  "I am awesome!  I am awesome!   I am awesome!"

 shelby's speech moved me to tears and a feeling of sheer joy that special olympics are alive and strong.   i am grateful that i heard him speak today.   i thank you, shelby, for giving me the confidence i needed to change from a poseur to a runner.

the other thing that got me moving faster was weird and not planned.  i usually run 4 miles or 3 miles and set my ipod workout program to custom and punch in the miles and i'm off.    the lovely female unbiased ipod voice tells me my pace every so often.  "2 miles completed.  pace is 10:55 per mile."... something like that.  i use this key information to either run faster or slower depending on how fast i want my training run to be that day.

today, i set my ipod to the stock-choice '5k'.   when i pushed the button around the 1k mark to check my pace it said "8:33 pace"  so i slowed down a tiny, thinking 'simmer down girlie you don't want to wear yourself out on the first k'  but i didn't really feel like i was running faster than i should be running and i was keeping beat with my playlist that i painstakingly selected to shoot for a 30 minute 5k.

  then around 3k i hit the button and it said i had a "12:44" pace.     what!??!?!??!?   i hadn't slowed THAT much.  i was so confused and so bummed that i was running a way slower 5k than i knew i was capable of.   i had already ran it in 32:26.   i said fuck it and  i sped up and refused to check the pace again.  

i prepared myself to see a sub-par time as i kicked it in near the end.  i didn't have much energy left for kicking though, which again, seemed so strange since i was running 12 minute miles according to my ipod.

as i passed the finish line the official time read 27:28 and i couldn't believe it.   i was so thrilled!  i checked the total time on my ipod and it matched the race clock.   all was right with the world.   my pace for the race was 10:02.   i would have celebrated but i was out of breath and needed to keep walking lest i keel over.

there was NO WAY i was running 12 minute miles in that race.  i ran faster than ever so it's no wonder i had only an itty bitty baby kick at the end.    i figure the pace readings must be different for a custom mile verses a 5k selection on the ipod.

 i guess this tells me i have to learn how to 'feel' my pace, learn my body signals, run by instinct.     i thought i could count on electronics to do it for me.   good old instincts.  ipod got nothing on you, instincts.

but really, i don't give a rats ass at this point, since my confusion spurred me to run faster and now i have set a new bar for myself on 5k races.   never thought i could get under 30 min this soon.    i am new to running so i'm not sure just how significant shaving 5 minutes off my time is, but it seems to me like this must be super dee duper note worthy.   i've already notified runner's world magazine.

i'm a runner.  i am awesome!

this is immediately after the race, i'm so jazzed by my great time so i'm starting to tell al about my musings

then i realize i'm not ready to talk yet and need to keep walking to catch my breath

exhausted and happy, waiting for my turn at the porta potty to  take care of  some turtles

me want my internet cookies

due to a sucky modem failure, we've been freed from the shackles of WIFI at our house since friday.   on friday afternoon i rushed home from work to load a few apps to my ipad, but no internet connection.   say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

completed a few trouble shooting steps, nada.   'just keep breathing',  i kept telling myself.   breath in, breath out.   'it's going to be fine.  al will be home soon and he fixes near everything.   al to the rescue.'  

as i pounced on him walking in the door, i explained the problem.    after suggesting the couple trouble shooting steps i'd already tried, he declared 'late bill'.   i shuddered.

remember back a few blogs when i delayed and delayed doing the mail and the bills?  well i've never delayed so long before, and although i finally did get everything sent off (almost) on time, the bill for frontier was sent on a monday, due two days later, or risk being cut off.   gasp. 

al posited that our frontier was shut off and did not add "on account of your laziness", thus HE risk being cut off.    i knelt to the ground and shouted 'why me god?' and then remembered that frontier controls the dish network too.   it still worked.  praise be! 

al spent an hour on the phone with frontier dealing with our predicament.   they will send a new modem.   how soon?   2 day air.  knowing there are almost always glitches, i figured we were looking at a fortnight without internet. 

in through the nose, out through the mouth.   


short list of casualties and benefits from my wifi-less weekend:

• denied two ipad apps that were only free on friday to honor autism awareness month.  boo.
• discovered that, when i'm forced to, i count calories very well on my own now after using livestrong.com calculators for 4 months. yay.
• played farkle with my kids and paid more attention to them.  yay.
• hadn't a clue what was happening in people's lives since i had no facebook and i forgot how to talk to people face to face.  boo.
• read a book, got a bit of a start on it anyway, since i was paying so much attention to my kids.   an 'everything' guide to running.   yay.
• got at least 2 hours more sleep than usual since i had no livestrong.com forums to peruse for fitness tips or nutrition blurbs.   yay.
• had no livestrong.com forums to peruse to keep my health and fitness candles burning brightly.   boo.
• went to a sunday evening movie and laughed my butt of at a hilarious scene of two women having a heated argument using elmo and cookie monster voices.  yay.

survive without wifi   

although i did survive, and some might even say thrived, without my internet, i'm not happy about it.   can i bring a cot here to my office this week?

ramble on rose

rambling number one:

"some guys hate it when women fart, but personally, i like a little skunk in the trunk."  this was a tweet by rob delaney on twitter today.   if i weren't married to al, i'd be driving to twitter right now to find rob delaney and make him fall in love with me.   i would let farts all day and he would smell my farts all day and tell me how much he loved the skunk in my trunk.   i would swoon every time he said it.    he would feed me baked beans by the bowl full every night.   and then just wait around talking to me until they kicked in.

unfortunately he would have to leave his wife and kids, and since i am not in the business of home wrecking, i'll stick happily with my al.   but COME ON, i think rob delaney and i are meant to be together.   or at least i'm meant to read his tweets.  

rambling number two:

jinxing is still the best thing ever.   i find true elation in the moment of a spontaneous jinx.  being that in-tune in thought with another person is just plain rad.

rambling number three:

camping club.  getting an invitation to camping club today was my favorite moment of the day.  thinking ahead a few years to an empty nest and that al and i will once again go camping together, just the two of us, were the thoughts that consumed me while i skipped rope at bootcamp tonight.  

rambling number four:

i just threw away a candy cane shaped, half m & m filled, christmas present from four years ago.  it was on my book shelf for that long.  i just bit into one of the m & ms and the candy coating did not have the crisp crunch i expect.  it went bad.  surprising.  dollars to donuts i would have pegged m & ms to last forever.  certainly not get stale.  the chocolate was not right either.  lost some sweetness.   throw it out!

this is my new motto. throw it out!   the candy cane is in the garbage now.  i am having a hard time with this.    i'm just in the infancy stages of adopting this motto.   i am a pack rat of the worst kind.  i'm not 'hoarders' bad, but could easily careen out of control into hoarders direction without putting into action a new motto.   it is equally hard for me to throw away things as it is to save money.   bah humbug.





rambling number five:

my uniform in the late evening is pale pink hoody with hood up.    that candy cane is haunting me.  still.

bragging alert

pictured to the right is what i should be focusing on right now.  not CJ, but paying those bills and sorting through that mail.   i am about to shirk my duties yet again and opt instead to open a bottle of wine, play words with friends.  the house is quiet tonight, i'm planning to stay in, possibly get drunk.   good grief i hope i find the motivation for this mail stack tomorrow.  i know there are overdues in there.  it's not going to be pretty when i find the courage to sift through those papers.   i wasn't a bump on a log though today.  i got stuff done.  i did the dishes, three loads of laundry, made the bed and laid the papers out to haunt me.  i thought about scooping the cat poop but didn't get much further on that task yet.  

oh yeah, and i ran my very first 5k race!   this opposite-of-a-morning-person was up early for running.  my oldest son bert and i made it to the race on time.  he biked, i ran.  there were pitfalls and hilarity and pure unexpected what the fuck moments that i'm not detailing here (sorry running inspiration mike s from wildflower).

let's just say, that as my coach, bert was sure to keep my mind completely off of running, and squarely on him.   while i was in turns irritated and exhilarated during the race, on the drive home, all we did was laugh about our nutso morning.   i realized that bert's antics kept me from thinking about the race, thinking about my time.  and although i had to stop running several times to tend to him and a few times i used a boat load of negative energy to scream 'keep both hands on the steering wheel!', overall i ran the race faster than any other 5k training run in the last month.  so, coach, your devious comedy of errors worked to give me my first baseline 5k time which is my fastest time yet!  thank you bert!   pictured to the left is me with about 1 kilometer left to go.   i cannot even believe the luck of my friend snapping this shot.   i'm hovering above the path, in the air, smile on my face.   having this photo for posterity is rad.  thank you sd!   bert is behind me but i cropped him out to protect the innocent and annoying.

then, all of a sudden, this afternoon after a nap when i was refreshed... i had a wild hair.   i tried on my favorite pair of jeans of all time.  i stopped wearing them in 2006 when i could no longer hoist them up over my thighs.   i thought there was a slim chance i could wiggle into these jeans, but i knew for sure it would be close.  and close gives me the next bout of motivation needed to continue my quest for fitness and health. and more importantly, a kicking ass in jeans.   i was alone when i pulled them on.  good thing because i shrieked and yelped with delight for minutes.  THEY FIT.   shock and awe.   pictured here is me meeting a goal i set in january.  hell to the ya.


i really wish i would have put running a 5k on my bucket list.  someday i am going to have to actually write a bucket list.