Plump to Pump
Blog #4 for No Quit Fit Outdoor Bootcamp
I am very susceptible to comments about my body. Case in point: This summer when I was training with my personal trainer (and bootcamp instructor) 4 times per week and he was assessing my goals and consulting with me at the start, I asked him what he thought of my body. He said I had good genetics for building muscle, that I was lucky about that, that he was happy to get to train me, that I had a good base of muscle built and that he knew how to help me reach my goals. He did a quick couple looks and pinchy tests to my belly and arms and thighs, and concluded I had no fat to lose, and only had a little bit of back fat. There were a few more complimentary remarks. BUT guess what phrase rings in my ears every once in a while. Yep- a bit of back fat. He did not mean for it to be negative. It was meant as a response to my query of what he thinks about my body in relation to personal training.
Flash forward to this past Thursday. Same dude, my bootcamp instructor, referred to me as "skinny". Being called skinny feels the same to me as being called fat. Skinny is not my goal. Strong is my goal. Fit is my goal. This was the scene: I had just taken off my sweatshirt. I had a tank top on. I picked up my 15 pounders and started pushing them up over my head, when he looked at me and said "You're looking skinny Greta" and I read a hint of alarm in his voice. I immediately and audibly balked. He reminded me how sensitive I am about words (which I am). But I didn't want to subject the whole class to my questioning of his motives. So I let it go and didn't pursue an interrogation about it.
He had never called me skinny before. He's said comments like "your shoulders Greta wow", "your ticep muscle is really long", comments that clearly referred to strength or genetics. For the next set of 15 pushups I pondered, was I projecting my own feelings onto his words? Probably. Am I worried I'm getting skinny? Perhaps. Shit. Too fat, too skinny, too big muscles, too small muscles. Fuck. When am I going to be satisfied? Is any woman out there satisfied?
As I got down on all fours again, this time for set 1 of 4 sets of 40 mountain climbers, I decided: Okay, you are at least happy now. You were miserable heavier. So figure out why you're worried about being called skinny and make a plan. Then I lost ability to think coherently because holy shit I was a sweating! Before the climbers, we had just run stairs 4 times. Holy shit do I love sweating!
Side note: I absolutely rocked mountain climbers that night. First time I've dug mountain climbers, ever. Previously, my heel would pop out of my sneaker, or my feet were mis-timed, or I was otherwise un-athletic with them, but not Thursday. I was like a scissor cutting a straight line. My feet were rhythmically switching so fast! Not sure if it's the speed work I'm doing running or what, but smoke was coming off my heels for sure. And to keep me knocked down a peg or two, I'm still on my knees for push ups. All in good time, all in good time.
Back to the story. So, in my sweaty stupor I had decided to collect some data about my body, consider my feelings, and make a plan to resolve any problem I might find. So with that, and certainly when I felt the gelling of my mountain climbers, I stopped stressing the "skinny" topic.
Today, I took action. I asked Alan to take my measurements, recorded them in my book. Then Al took nudie pictures (just kidding, I had my same sports bra and undies I wear in each of my progression pictures). I checked the numbers, basically maintaining at each body location. Compared the photographs, close to the same since the last ones we took. Huh. So, now think about my feelings. I'm feeling a void. What is it? Somethings's missing. What's missing?
A GOAL! I always have a goal to work toward. A few weeks back I met my latest running goal I had set for myself, a faster 5k time, clocking my new PR of 26:44 . I don't have a running event on my calendar -- on purpose. I'm not sure which distance I want to PR next, and I don't want to rush that decision. I do know I'm not running a marathon this spring as I am not ready for the training and injury prevention commitments required. I am hoping to have an injury free winter, and be able to focus on a grand goal without having to spend ample resources and time devoted to restoring my body parts at every turn.
So what's it gonna be? A goal helps me stay focused., keeps my training on track. I see my workouts on my calendar and I don't skip them because I need to complete each in order to meet my end goal. I can't deny it, there's still something to my feelings about being called skinny. Like I said last time, time to build some motherfucking muscle. 2 bootcamps per week and a few days of running isn't going to cut it. I think it's time to take my nutrition and my lifting to a new coordinated level. I want to get through the winter months unscathed by added fat and looser skin. Overall, my muscles are soft compared to where I want them to be.
I hereby announce my registration in a challenge called the Hardcore Hottie Challenge- beginning January 1, winner selected end of March. I have secured personal training for January, February, and March to whip this bod into a sexy, muscular, appealing, and chiseled vessel. End Goal: look fucking hot in a bikini when I go to Florida for spring break!
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