with just 6 months of pure parenting hell on earth under our belts, right before we nearly fell apart, al and i regrouped. and figured some shit out. figured some major shit out. no, not how to legally put locks on the outside of their bedroom doors, we lost that battle with the social workers. no, not how to clone ourselves so we could at least match them in number. and finally, no, not how to render them mute with a remote control.
but, al and i were always talking about ideas to gain control and their trust. we'd try the ideas, watch them falter then fail, then come up with new ideas. we were nothing if not persistent.
chaos ensued those first six months while we got our bearings. then, suddenly, al had a brainchild that ended up being one of our key parenting game changers.
back in 2004, i vividly remember sulking home from work one day, walking slowly to draw it out as much as possible. if my neighbors wouldn't have come out worried about me, i'd have crawled. or just lay there on the sidewalk. those were my few minutes per day without demands. those few glorious minutes.
from the second i woke up, my kids and family craziness were going strong. then i walked 2 blocks to work. that was two minutes of peace and quiet. once at work, preschoolers needed my attention and work politic demands were constant. stress upon stress. then i walked 2 blocks back home.
dead mom walking.
but after eking out as many seconds as i could on my way home that day, al met me in the driveway. what the fuck? was he trying to escape? busted. what was he doing out of the house? where were the kids? for the first year plus, we could never leave the kids without supervision by one of us, preferably both of us, strength in numbers. i question, al tells me how he has has each of them in different locations in the house, occupied for at least 10 minutes.
i fall into his arms with gratefulness and awe. we go into the bathroom and shut the door. he presents me with a chicken scratched piece of lined paper and pitched his idea.
here's what it said:
"i pledge allegiance to my family, may we always remain united. we are all unique, but our differences make us stronger. i vow to love myself and allow myself to be loved. i promise to love, honor, and respect my family at all times."
we implemented immediately. we set up a competition among the kids. who can memorize the pledge first? i was shocked that it only took a few days before each of them had it down pat. one of our kids carried his filled backpack around all day long at school because he couldn't memorize his three digit locker combination. go figure.
we were amazed and pleased with their eagerness. they bought into the pledge hook, line, and sinker. they were eager because they craved family and they craved love, but they fought tooth and nail against both ideals. they just didn't feel they deserved either.
with creation of the pledge and the requirement that we all say it in unison every single day before every meal, al had discovered a way for these ideals to be implanted in their minds painlessly. it was painful for the kids to accept our love. but they weren't savvy enough to see that reciting the pledge was a means for allowing our love in. it was pure genius! we didn't have to cajole them into saying it, it just wasn't a hassle.
we all said that pledge every day for years. what a boon for our family.
i don't know when we stopped saying the pledge. maybe when bert had his accident. can't say for sure. but on thursday, at supper, bert started saying it, but couldn't recall all of it. it took all of us putting our heads together to remember all the words, but we got it. then in unison, we said the pledge again. roni quickly suggested we start saying it again every day. we all happily agreed.
i said "i think i have my blog topic" and bert replied "i better get the credit for bringing the pledge back."
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