tales from the crypt. just glad i wasn't in it.

following is an excerpt from a blog i wrote a long time ago.  i only blogged publicly a handful of times when we first adopted our kids.  it was some scary-ass shit that was happening in our family those first couple years.   i would put big money down that not many people could have survived the extreme freaking parenting we had to do.   pots and pans dangling off a child's bedroom door so we would be alerted if said child was opening the door during the night to sneak around to do god knows what, or whatever he had promised to do when angry earlier.    i pictured myself in a pool of blood many times.   i seriously shudder when i think back on those days.   

but we got through it.   what a long strange road it's been.   and our kids are changed people.    and so am i.   i am going to repost two of my entries here tonight.

AFTER BEING A MOTHER FOR EXACTLY ONE YEAR:

8/18/05
just got off the phone with my 13 year old son and he was chewing so loudly on crackers while i talked i asked him to please stop chewing while i talked and then i felt really old and motherly.

at my daughter's 9th birthday slumber party we were eating lucky charms for breakfast. i mentioned that lucky charms were my favorite when i was a kid and one of her friends looked at me and said, and she was just curious and serious, "they had lucky charms when you were a kid?" once again, feeling quite old.

 that's ok. i'm 31. i feel like a healthy 31-year-old. i have to pass sometimes on the clothes i really like to wear, because many are figure-hugging which accentuates my breasts, and lately my 13 and 12-year-old sons seem to be really interested in staring at them. one of them asked me the other day "are your boobs big or not so big?"    i said "they are about medium-sized."   and then wondered if that was the right answer.    i remember when i was a kid, wishing my mom would not wear halter tops and tight jeans, and now as a mom i understand her perspective and have the same perspective- i'll wear what i like thank you very much, but still i will try not to embarrass you too badly.

8/21/05
 i love summer. never have i had a harder year that the one that will pass on august 25 and never have i loved a summer more than this one. no homework to help with. much less time pressures and rigid schedule to adhere to to get all the essentials done in a few short hours after school... and hopefully we get a little closeness time fit in their somewhere during the school year, not just mom doing all the required parenting that isn't as fun.

it is so easy to have close time, quality time, mom time, whatever i call it, in the summer. time when i'm NOT supervising them doing a chore, enforcing consequences for rules that were broken, getting housework done, cooking supper (we did lots of grab and go this summer-everybody make your own sammie and yes you can have one serving of chips), checking to see if chores were completed to my inspection, enduring the occasional mild (usually) tantrum of slightly flailing arms and whiny voice when a child has to redo part of the chore til it's done correctly but then says the required "okay mom" and gets to work (sometimes with the ones that can handle joking around more successfully i tell them i'd gladly do their chore if they will do mine- then i list off the chores i'm getting done that day and they comply with their assigned chore). etc. etc.

 i don't know what they're complaining about anyway- lots of kids have to do chores: painting the house, washing the top row of windows, shampooing the carpet, getting the garden going, detailing the honda. waaa, waaa, waaaa.

ha! not really those chores of course. but when you are part of a family you are part of keeping the family running smoothly as possible. i don't produce all of the garbage in the cans, so i'm certainly not going to be the one to take it out when there are able-bodied kids that can do the job.   hey you don't produce any garbage, feel free to tell me off when i tell you to take it out. you produce garbage- you say "okay mom".

it took us about 10 months before we got them to understand that basic principle, and complete regular daily chores with kid-quality cleaning with minimal grumbling. it's a triumph for al and me!

i have 4 loads of clean laundry to sort and fold and get into their cubbies so my little cuties can get it into their dressers and closets. i'm happy to wash it when you throw it down the laundry chute, i'm such an awesome mom i'll even dry it and sort it into your cubby, but it's your job to get it into the proper holding spot until you wear it. and alan and i refuse to match socks. they all just go into a pile (clean) and the kids have to sort their own.

 which means roni's always wearing mismatched socks because she doesn't want to take the time to find 2 that look the same. one sock could even be resting right next to its match on the table but she'll still just grab whatever. what do i care? she'll get teased one day at school and then will maybe want to take the time. logical consequences for choices made. doesn't make no nevermind to me if she's mismatched.

that's one of my mantras "i'm such an awesome mom...i'm teaching you to live safely and peacefully in a loving family"   "you're lucky to have me, such an awesome mom that will do...".

so if you've got my kids in your care, remember to throw in a few "wow you are so lucky to have such an awesome mom!" "some moms won't take the time to teach their kid that or make their kids do blankety-blank and yours does, what an awesome mom you have!" to keep the ball rolling for me. thanks in advance.