Parts Two and Three. the rest of my story.

…. from Part One ...

I made some clear decisions on January 1, 2012.   You could say I was finally defined by something:  my decision making!

1.   I made a clear decision to change physically and mentally.  
2.  I made a clear decision that I am important too.  I decided that my goals and my health and my happiness are important too.  
3.  I made a clear decision that I would be defined by my actions.
4.  I made a clear decision to set goals and achieve them.  

I dubbed 2012 "My Year".   I have eagerly and successfully been living ever since. 

I sat down on January 1, 2012 and wrote down my resolutions.  I had never written them down before, and consequently had never kept one longer than about a week.    But, two years and going strong!

I am a structured person.  I take big risks, but chart out the steps needed for success.  I dream big, but make a plan to achieve my goals.   I'm not a willy nilly type of person.     I loved the process of getting healthy:  the research, the organization, the learning.   I just kept figuring things out for myself, what to do, when to do it.     I didn't realize it then, but now I know that I used specific tools in my quest for weight loss and fitness.   Over the last few weeks, when I was deciding what to talk to you about, I kept making notes about how I did it, how I lost weight, how I became active, how I didn't quit.   What makes me different from someone else who decides to get healthy but quits on it?   Why am I still moving forward?  

When I looked at my notes I could group them into tools, actions, and feelings.   Then I looked at my groupings and I thought:  there it is, that is how I did it.  Perhaps it's duplicable for someone with similar personality.  Perhaps it's a toolbox full of gold that someone else could open up and spend lavishly on their own health.   Perhaps it's a bunch of tools that helped me but are bunk to you.  No matter, here they are!  

Part Two  -   My Tools:

1.  Write down my resolutions in a structured way.  Post them on the wall where I will see them often.  Right above my home office computer.  Act on them.  Revisit often.
2.  Get my measurements, weight, pictures from front, side, and back.  Update these stats monthly or weekly.  Put my picture on my lap top screen saver.  
3. Choose a tracking tool such as myfitnesspal or livestrong.com.  Enter stats.  Be reasonable about goals.  Enter diet, nutrition, recipes, exercise into the tracker.  
4. Be active and participatory on an online forum- ask questions, get support, and information.  Community!   I chose livestrong.com forums and was welcomed. 
5. Add 1-3 new elements to learn per week (healthy foods, tracking, hitting targets, macronutrients, exercise, calculations, etc).  Tackle learning in small bits. 
6. Make a decision to hire a coach or seek a mentor through forums online for free.  I found a mentor free online and also hired a trainer from weightlossrebels.com.
7. Use Google Calendar like it's my job.  When a workout is in my calendar it's as important as an appointment with my boss; I'm not late and I don't skip it. 
8. Plan each week's workouts on Sunday and enter them into my Google Calendar every Sunday or monthly.  Make that calendar green (for go!) and name it "Fitness!"
9. Be public about my goals/activities/fitness to exact accountability.  I chose Facebook as a way to publicize and to remain accountable to achieve my goals.
10. Document my fitness life-  highs and lows and all the boring in-between. Either publicly or privately.  I chose public via blog. http://thegretalist.blogspot.com
11. Pay money to attend scheduled weekly fitness classes/activities- yoga, bootcamp, yogalates, personal strength training, volleyball.  A commitment is inherent with payment.
12. Keep trying activities until I find ones I like- insanity, power 90, yoga at home. Stick with an activity for one month before deciding yay or nay.  Do not skip.  Running <3
13. Always have a fitness goal and/or a strength or number goal in my Google Calendar.  Race, pounds lost, #inches lost, size of jeans to wear, register for new class, etc. 
14. Buy songs on iTunes that are motivational and exciting.  Make a list from internet sources and download them.  Make specific playlists.
15. Weekly rewards for the first 4 weeks, then switched to monthly rewards.  Enter the goal/reward/date into Google Calendar.                                                              Goals: weight, fit into, run certain distance, new knowledge in diet/calories/hit tracking numbers, lift certain amount, etc.                                                                  Rewards: iPod, measure cups/spoons, iTunes music, running socks, workout top, sports bra, blender, good sneakers, exotic food (brazil nuts), workout bag, garmin, etc. 
16. Change my password to a fitness related motivational password.  Entered so many times, it's a frequent reminder of my goals.
17. Enlist Alan's help and support.  He's on my side and helps me carve out the time I need to workout, to plan meals, to enter data into the tracker, to train for races, etc. 
18. Have someone to push me out the door when I hesitate, complain, want to quit.  Have someone to listen to me without judgement.  Have someone to cheer me!
19. Include my children in fitness.  Robin and I took classes together.  Running started with Robin-1 mile challenge on the treadmill.                                                          Robin biked around town with me while I ran.  Brett biked with me in my first 5k.  Brett and I went to snap and biked together.  Will ran a 5k with me.  
20. Nutrition is the key --  Exercise is the bonus!   Keep relatively rigid with my diet/nutrition.  Variety is the spice of life in my exercise.

Part Three --  My Changes:

Changes I've experienced since January 1, 2012:

• There was no where I wanted to go on my Resolutions sheet.  On my 2013 sheet I listed trips.  In 2014 I've listed destination fitness events!
• I turned the focus on myself through my writing making many major discoveries along the way (I'm risk taker, I'm adventurous).   
• I give myself high 5s now instead of guilt and hatred.
• I finally feel good.  I'm now an active person who also enjoys down time.
• Never have to or feel like I have to suck in my stomach anymore.
• I want to have sex now, and more often.
• My confidence has increased markedly.   My happiness is palpable.
• Communication in my marriage has improved because I've developed assertiveness that wasn't present before.  My marriage is stronger than ever. 
• My kids see a role model that has a life with them and a life of my own as well.  
• I have my own things to look forward to that don't include anyone else, or depend on anyone else.
• My circle of influence on other people's health and fitness has increased exponentially.  
• My social connections and support expanded: Crow River Running Club friends, Hardcore Hottie Challenge friends, Livestrong Sweat Daily friends, Bootcamp friends.
• I responded to an invitation to try out our friend's new Crossfit business with a resounding yes!
• I said yes to help demo and put siding on a house in the freezing winter cold.  Physically I knew I could easily be helpful.
• I like being outside now, I find value in the out-of-doors.
• I am physically strong and capable to help around the house- moved a 350+ pound therapy table from the house to the garage with my husband.
• I experiment with lots of color and different fits in my wardrobe and don't use clothing as camouflage.
• I am feeling fulfilled and actively seeking new challenges. 

Part One- My story of nothing.

Mayer Health and Wellness Initiative
Move for your Moxie

Motivational Guest Speaker: Greta!

1/19/14

Part One

I'm just an average woman who has figured out how to stay driven and motivated past the 'New Years Resolution" excitement. 

My life is as busy as yours, as chaotic as yours.   I have kids, am married, have a 50-hour a week job, great friends, and no background in making resolutions and keeping them.    I have considered losing weight in the past, but didn't ever hit the point where I was so concerned I would do anything about it.   Hitting rock bottom hadn't happened to me.

I just kept on eating and not moving.  I just kept on having mild disgust with myself when I got dressed, undressed, showered, or had sex.  Every time I buttoned my pants a twinge of guilt about my inactivity and a little bit of hatred for my body crept up into the foreground of my thinking.  But I would get busy with one of my kids or busy making supper or busy at work or busy busy busy and knew I didn't have time to do anything about it so those thoughts would slink back into the background.

  

But really, those thoughts of disgust, guilt, and hatred for myself were ever present, I was just at different degrees of awareness of them depending upon my situation at the time. 

This is no way to live.   I wasn't living, I was taking care of everyone.  I was taking care of my family, taking care of my students at work, taking care of my colleagues, taking care of everyone and everything but myself.  I just didn't realize it.  I was sad, but didn't realize it.  I didn't have any way to measure my own worth beside through others- my kids, my husband, my students, my colleagues.  I did right by them so I was a good mom, a good wife, a good speech therapist, a good co-worker.  Anyone would say that about me, that I was good at all those things.  

But I also never defined myself by my motherhood or my marriage or my job.   If I had allowed myself to be defined by being a mom, I wouldn't have been conflicted.  If I was defined by my job, I would have been fulfilled already.   So I was really good at all of these aspects of my life but not defined by them.  So what the hell was I defined by?  NOTHING?   But the only things I could come up with that weren't involving other people were reading People magazine and liking my alone time.   That is nothing.  And that is scary.    

I was on the verge of making some important decisions in my life so I could start living too.   Having nothing of my own plus having disgust, guilt, and hatred for myself was me nearly hitting rock bottom.   A few things happened to push me over the edge and plummet to rock bottom.  My older sister, who isn't athletic and isn't fitness oriented, started going to a gym regularly.  This was shocking in itself, the gym-going, but her body transformation was noteworthy and I was in awe of how her shape changed.  I don't even know if she lost any weight, but I certainly noticed she was tight and muscled and she looked sexy as hell.   I was ecstatic for my sister!  Her whole demeanor seemed to change too, her confidence soared and she was dressing differently too.   While I was happy for her, it spurred my disgust for myself.  Here I was, the former athlete sister, all lumpy and dowdy and blah.  That was final straw #1.   If she can do it, I can do it.  I am ever grateful to her.

The actual final straw was a trip I took to Jamaica with a friend.  When I saw the pictures from the trip I cried.  This woman was not me.  This woman was covering me.  I could not crop the pictures enough to fashion a decent angle where I didn't look huge.  I was finally seeing myself.  I had become heavy.  I was unhappy and uncomfortable.  I was so damn uncomfortable, literally.  My clothes were too tight, binding.   I had just been out shopping for the next size up of work khakis.  Fuck.   How many sizes up was I going to go?  I was done going up.   I hated myself.  I had nothing.   Rock bottom.  

I made some clear decisions on January 1, 2012.   You could say I was finally defined by something:  my decision making!

1.   I made a clear decision to change physically and mentally.  
2.  I made a clear decision that I am important too.  I decided that my goals and my health and my happiness are important too.  
3.  I made a clear decision that I would be defined by my actions.
4.  I made a clear decision to set goals and achieve them.  

I dubbed 2012 "My Year".   I have eagerly and successfully been living ever since. 

I sat down on January 1, 2012 and wrote down my resolutions.  I had never written them down before, and consequently had never kept one longer than about a week.    But, two years and going strong!

I am a structured person.  I take big risks, but chart out the steps needed for success.  I dream big, but make a plan to achieve my goals.   I'm not a willy nilly type of person.     I loved the process of getting healthy:  the research, the organization, the learning.   I just kept figuring things out for myself, what to do, when to do it.     I didn't realize it then, but now I know that I used specific tools in my quest for weight loss and fitness.   Over the last few weeks, when I was deciding what to talk to you about, I kept making notes about how I did it, how I lost weight, how I became active, how I didn't quit.   What makes me different from someone else who decides to get healthy but quits on it?   Why am I still moving forward?  

When I looked at my notes I could group them into tools, actions, and feelings.   Then I looked at my groupings and I thought:  there it is, that is how I did it.  Perhaps it's duplicable for someone with similar personality.  Perhaps it's a toolbox full of gold that someone else could open up and spend lavishly on their own health.   Perhaps it's a bunch of tools that helped me but are bunk to you.  No matter, here they are!  

Part Two

i'm too tired.  stay tuned!

lotta stats and undies mugshots

1/19/14
End of week 3
hardcore hottie challenge booya!

my goals: build as much muscle as possible in 12 weeks, learn to eat healthfully without processed foods and refined sugars, and stop measuring my worth by the fucking scale.

LIFTING -- WEIGHT STATS

Day 1 lifting routine:

*3x10 of bodyweight push ups on toes- it's not a struggle now.  i do them slowly, but could increase the difficulty somehow now a bit with these.

*tri pushdown - 50 wt., 3x10

*lat raises - 10 wt., 3x10

*calf raises-smith machine  75 wt on each side., 3x10

*goblet squat- 50 wt., 3x10

*weighted lunge - a curvy bar which weighs 25 pounds with 15 wt on each side. 3x10

*plank - 1st 2:00, 2nd 1:15, 3rd 1:00 minute, 3x to failure

*decline bench sit ups- dot 1 steepest it goes with body weight.  i will add a plate on my belly next week, 3x15

 Day 2 lifting routine: 

*db row - 30 wt., 3x10

*db pullover - 30 first set, 25 2nd and 3rd set, 3x10

*bicep curls - 15 wt. and did 20 wt. for the last 5 of the set- very hard., 3x10

*rear delt db flys- 10 wt.  the gym has no 12's.  i would increase to 12 if they were available but 15 is too much, 3x10

*rack pulls- 185 wt. w/35 bar plus 75 wt on ea side. ouch on my hands- getting some nice calluses.  3x10

*bulgarian split squat- with curvy bar only.  next week 5 pound plate on each side of the bar. 3x10

*cable rotation -wt. 20, 3x10

*lying hip raises on bench- body wt. need to increase the difficulty. 3x10

 Day 3 lifting routine:

*incline db bench - 25 wt, 3x10

*db flys- 15 wt. , 3x10

*straight arm pulldown- 50 wt. 3x10, dot 1

*cable curls-  50 wt, dot 19, 3.x10

*db plie squat-  50 wt., 3x11. need to increase difficulty or do more regular squats daily

*back extensions- body wt. dot 6, 3x11

*toe press-   90 wt 1st set, 130 wt 2nd set, 170 wt 3rd set/4th set.  4x10

*russian twists- w/ 25 wt plate. 15 reps, 20 reps, 15 reps. 

I've increased weight in nearly every exercise over the three weeks. My very hardest exercises are rack pulls since I've been botching them by lifting 185 pounds total instead of 75 pounds total, and dumbbell flys with 15 pounders. Today, I hugged that garbage can on my flys 30 times and struggled with proper form the last 5 reps of each set. 

now for my measurements:  

1/19/14

weight 150.4 (down .4 pounds)
chest 38.25 (up 1.25 inches)
arm 11.4 (up .4 inches)
waist 29 (down 1.75 inches)
hips 39.25 (up .25 inches)
thigh 23.5 (up .75 inches)
calf 14.5 (same)
measured right bicep flexed for the first time=12.13 inches

so i haven't had input from my trainer yet about my progress, oh WAIT YES I DID!!  and this is it: 

"Wowza HUGE difference Greta. You are looking JACKED."

so today i'm feeling pretty good about what i've accomplished in 3 weeks (plus a week of learning prior to starting the total program on january 1).  

1. i learned to measure food and assess macro content.  i learned to plan and eat foods throughout a day to meet my prescribed macronutrient allotments.  i learned how to convert ounces into grams and vice versa which is a large pain in the ass. 

2. i learned to identify clean foods and notice the different ingredients in foods which i should eat/which are clean and foods i should avoid/make an informed choice about eating.  

3. i learned three lifting routines with 8 exercises apiece which were almost all new moves for me to learn.  and i increased weights when i needed to, by feel.  so i learned how to assess when to increase the difficulty so i am getting the most out of each movement in my time at the gym.

4. i learned to keep off the scale.  and i learned that i have a really fucked up relationship with my weight and the scale and that i need to change my mentals so i am not measuring my worth by the number on the scale.  

fixing the way i think about my body and my weight and my worth will take time and retraining my brain, and i'm confident that over the next 9 weeks i will be getting closer and closer to meeting my goals.   i have a really great shot at achieving them!   

now for my progress pictures:  the top row is from the first day of the challenge 1/1/14.  the bottom row is from today 1/19/14 for my end of week 3 check in.  

so, ya, there's me in my undies.  whatevs.

I'm hitting my macros +/- 10 grams most every day.   It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be to eat 155 grams of protein, I just shovel in the meat, eggs, cheese and I'm not grossed out at all. I've become an elk steak and turkey eater, shocking!


 

eggs and chicken sausage for brekkie

a few days breakfast and snacks for the 730-430 time frame at work 

a delicious clean meal prepared by alan, lovingly and perfectly macro-y

bacon'ed green beans- alan is a genius!

if i could have calculated this graph BEFORE yesterday my percentages would have been spot on or 1-2%age points off only.  but whatever, yesterday i ate a bunch of fat (good fat though), a whole lotta fat, and well so there it is.  i am very proud of how close i am to my macro goals already 3 weeks in.  overall, i struggle keeping the fat at 75 grams per day, but i'm doing well hitting 225 carbs and 155 protein pretty closely each day.  

this is showing my last 7 days of macros eaten. i'm only concerned with fat, carb, protein grams.  you can see i'm in the red on fat, but i'm oh so close on carb and protein.  score!!  i'm feeling like this is the best i need to do to meet the goals i have set for this challenge.  i do not intend to be rigidly strict with myself in nutrition, i couldn't enjoy that.  i can, however, and have, enjoyed this last week of eating.  i'm feeling good and looking good.  

some workouts from this week:

tough.  that's all i will say.  very tough.

i was holding a 50 pound weight doing goblet squats.  yep, i'd say this program is working just fine!!   (my arms do not look like this in rest, but give me 50 pounds and this happens!!!)  :)

weighted lunges.  i was really struggling here, i will take off 5 pounds on each side next week.  this was too much for 3 sets of 10 reps. per leg.  i plan to be back up to this level in 2 weeks though!!

 

rack pulls are giving me some blisters so i considered gloves and my bad ass trainer MEG said nope, you grow those calluses and lotion up half hour prior to lifting so they don't tear during lifts.   i'm officially scared of her, and in awe of her simultaneously.

I AM FEELING GREAT!  

but i keep in mind:

that's why i don't wear them!

i'm not such a dud after all

down below the line is my facebook status on my birthday before i retired for the night as a newly 40 year old woman.  i adore writing for many reasons, but primarily because it helps me figure things out.  the way it works for me is this:  i just sit down and start writing and it flows.  i don't pre-plan, outline, or think about the details of what i want to write ahead of time.  i sit down and my fingers start pressing keys and before i know it i've discovered something fucking profound about myself.

like on my birthday night.  as i typed the words you'll read below "...when i start the next big challenge in my life that you might not relate to but you still support me by reading"  it hit me.  in that very next moment i realized that running the marathon was not my first big challenge i took on in my life!   my life has been filled with taking big risky challenges head on.  but before that moment on the evening of january 8 2014, i thought of myself, and described myself to others, as an unadventurous person that likes the status quo, doesn't like to take chances, likes routines and lacks spontaneity.  i didn't say it with disdain about myself.  it was just the facts jack.  

well that just ain't the truth!  i've not really known myself until last night...  until writing that status.  my track record tells a different story.  realizing the huge challenges i've taken on all my life -- with gusto-- makes me see myself in a different, brighter, and more awesome light than i have ever viewed myself in before.   previously, i only understood "being adventurous" to mean traveling the world, getting naked and posing for an artist, or jumping off cliffs into a lake.  but all my life, i've been being adventurous, taking chances, breaking out of my routine, i've just been mixing it with thought, organization, and seeking support along the way.   being cognizant of the planful way i do things -- negated the idea of adventure for me.  no  more.  

i am leaps closer to understanding myself and i love myself even more as i made these realizations.  getting older is truly a gift of wisdom and i want to let this wash over me.

___________________________________________________________________________________

i would love to get to "liking" all these totally tubular birthday greetings but i am so exhausted i can barely keep the finger tips a typing. instead, i am LOVING them all in spirit and reading each and every one. thank you for taking the time to make my day great! 

we played 7 or 8 games of volleyball and came out in second place in our fall league tonight. a crushing defeat, that even made me poo-poo going out for birthday drinks after, i am so sad we aren't the champions! my body is really wiped out, really really wiped out. dare i say, feeling 40?! oh yes, i am!

i am feeling like a 40 year old bad ass who works full time, parents full time, loves myself full time, is a great wife and friend full time! my muscles and body are achy and sore from lifting heavy, boxing, squatting like there's no tomorrow, and running and these are the things i choose to do, CHOOSE to do! never in my wildest did i think my free time would be spent this way, but i'm like a hog in shit for sure.

i am so grateful for each of you that doesn't hide or block me and sticks with me when i start the next big challenge in my life that you might not relate to but you still support me by reading. i realize now that my life has always been about taking on huge challenges: alan , adopting 3 older kids at once, running a marathon, going to college for 6 years, teaching preschoolers, writing about my life openly, loving myself.   go big or go home.

well i think it's more like: i'm at home with myself, so i can dare to dream big. AND, i have all of you to lift me up and cheer me on, and namely Alan who makes my world spin round in the right direction but keeps me off kilter just enough to make it fresh and inviting every day to be with him.

all in all, in my life at 40 candles, i'm who i want to be. and that is my greatest accomplishment of all.

day one lifting routine from HHC.

Already increased weight in nearly ALL my Day 1 lifts today! 

Day 1 = 
toe push ups 3x10. 
Tricep push downs 3x10 at 40lbs. 
Seated Lateral raises 3x10 at10lbs. 
Calf raises holding 80lbs. 
Goblet squats 3x10 at 40lbs then 45lbs. 
Weighted lunges 3x10 bumpy bar+20lbs.
Plank 3xfailure 1:50, 1:00, :45.
Decline bench sit-ups 3x15.

Took only 30 seconds between sets and exercises.
Total time 41:53.
I was so tired at the end.
I was huffing and puffing during the last third of this workout.   

I felt like a goddess!

These were very very difficult.  I did the first set of 10 with the bar only.  I added 10 pounds on each side for the second set and I got them done!  Last week, I completed one set with the bar and then on the second set my right knee was wonky and felt like it was going to pop so I didn't continue and did walking lunges instead, without weight.  This week, no knee problem!  

I am making these Philly Cheesesteak Stuffed Peppers tonight.  New recipe and it is loaded with fat.  I only have 26 grams of fat left for the whole night and one of these will take up 36 g  of fat.  I'll have to figure a way to decrease the fat. 

Reading and caring about macros, new territory.

I'm going to make these tomorrow possibly, if I feel like I want to brave the cold to go to the market.  They look delicious!

I'll have to sub out the peanut butter for something with less fat.  I MISS MY PEANUT BUTTER!!!   But I have some other nut butters waiting in the wings.

My main squeeze Alan takes organic high quality turkey today.  We bagged it up in 2 ounce servings and I'll be using it as work snacks for a healthy protein punch.  This is a new way of eating for sure!  

'girl gets fat'- oh wait, i skipped that part. brevity sucks!

"ATTENTION HARDCORE HOTTIES:

Your first mini challenge will be a record of your journey!

I know many of you are probably doing this already but the other Team Leaders and I think a written reflection is a wonderfully powerful tool for us all to be using."

What brought you to this point in your life?  

I'll try to be brief.  There's a lot but I'll just hit the highlights.  Hotties-- if you like, you can read back through this blog to read the nitty gritty of my story.  

 {Umm I just finished this over an HOUR later, so no, I was unsuccessful keeping this brief.  I don't wear briefs, and I can't be brief apparently.  I wear bikini undies and want to look sexy in them, thus I"m here.  Ah shit, I should have just left it at that!  Oh well, hindsight.}

I did NOTHING fitness wise since high school.   I am nearing 40.  I had gained weight.  I wasn't turning any heads anymore and my self image was in the shitter.  I repeat, I did NOTHING.  Seriously.  I was the proverbial bump on a log.   

And then I changed it.  (leaving off much in this section for brevity!  you're welcome!)

In the past 2 years I have accomplished each fitness goal I set for myself.  First I decided to stop doing nothing for myself and find a way (beside reading People Magazine) to enjoy time on my own.  I started attending a weekly yoga class.   Aside from discovering the 2 warts on each foot I didn't even know I had on the very first day of yoga, and learning how hard it is to hold in farts during yoga, I liked it.  How in the hell did I get 2 warts on each foot, that's 4 warts total, without knowing it.  That's how out of tune I was with my body.  I was completely tone deaf where my body was concerned.  

But I took those socks off and I persevered.  I could have used my warts as an excuse to stop going.  I almost did.  But that was the old Greta.  This new Greta pushed herself out of her comfort zone.  After a few months however,  I was feeling restless with yoga.  To my ever-loving surprise, I wanted to sweat and have a workout.  Enough of the peaceful but mind blowing stretching, I finally wanted to move!  To jump!  To live!  So I faced some fears and signed up for my first bootcamp class.  

Strength training and cardio combined.  After workout one I was using my son's grab bars in the bathroom to ease myself down and hoist myself up because every muscle, fiber, cell, hair of my body hurt like a mo-fo.  I returned for that week's second workout and gave it my all again.  The next week I didn't want to return.  I was so sore I didn't know it was possible to move more.  But my husband Alan pushed me out the door and said you can do it Greta!  I grudgingly went.  After week three, I was willingly going and getting excited about it.  After a month, I was hooked!  I've been in bootcamp classes for two years and have gained overall strength a plenty!  

After my first 6 months or so of bootcamp I didn't lose any weight like I thought I might.  I hadn't changed anything with my diet and nutrition so I said fuck it and bit the bullet.  I learned how to count calories and ate at a 500 calorie deficit to lose one pound per week.  I lived by "a calorie is a calorie" so I changed little about WHAT I ate, but ate less of it.  I ate back my calories burned from bootcamp exercise.   

As the pounds came off (one per week as expected since I followed the calorie counting to a T) I was getting hungry.  Twice per week bootcamp wasn't cutting it.  I needed to exercise more so I could eat more.  Piddly amounts of food wasn't my thang!  I love to eat!  I decided to start running as a way to burn calories in order to eat more food.  The first mile was a bitch.  But running on my non bootcamp days gave me food --glorious food-- to eat and so I would run extra miles to drink beer, many beers!   Appetizers, many appies!  

I lost 25 pounds (from 170 to 145) in 5 months.  I've maintained my weight at 150 lbs. since.   And in the process I fell in love with running.  SHOCKER.  But I did.  I set my next fitness goal to run a 5k, then a 10k, then a half marathon, and then I registered for a marathon to be run on June 22, 2013.  I ran a marathon!  I trained for 18 weeks for that bad boy and ran the shit out of that mary!  My (some say) hilarious marathon recap is down a few blogs in the June area if you're so inclined.  

A byproduct for my marathon training (I was running upward of 40 miles per week in my biggest mileage weeks) was that I had to specialize in running for the last 2 months prior to the mary.  I had to quit bootcamp and I was bummed I would lose some of my muscle definition from all the endurance running.  But I kept my eyes on the marathon prize.   26.2 miles in 4:31:37 booya!

I started running regularly again in the end of summer of 2013 but decided not to train for another marathon this year.  I dealt with LOTS of injuries in my training and didn't have the patience to repeat that part so soon.  I just wanted to run without a big race for which to train.  Run, just run! Ahhhhh.  But I floundered around for a few months without a goal.  NOT a good look for me.  I needed a new passion and direction for my fitness energy.  

I reflected on how sad I was when I had to stop strength training when my mileage got up there.  I thought long and hard and decided I wanted some motherfucking muscles!  I want to change the shape of my body and chisel it into a hardcore hottie of the highest order!   I want to eat healthfully and not have 'a calorie is a calorie' mentality anymore.  I want to understand how food affects me and how to lift heavy.  Lifting heavy sounds heavenly.  I want to leave the gym feeling like a badass and I want to watch my muscles grow.   My next goal was born and I was happy again!

 What made you decide Hardcore Hotties was the right challenge for you? 

I LOVE social community and Facebook.  The Facebook group aspect was a big draw for me.  Meg being a bawdy bitch was a huge tipping factor.  I needed a trainer to give me the muscle-building tools.   I'm very good at being coachable and doing what I'm told but I knew I might be a little fucked up in the head with all the calorie restricting so I needed someone strong-minded that wouldn't pull any punches.  I've wondered off and on if I have disordered thinking about eating and food and my body image.  I was anxious about gaining fat back and I knew that building muscle would involve eating lots of food.  Eke.  The 3 month timeline is perfect for me.  I trained for my marathon for 4 months.  I loved it!  But knew I didn't want to further train for running.  In other things too, my pattern is that 3-4 months is the time frame that I'm passionate about an endeavor.   Lastly Meg seemed to know her shit about the science.  Done deal. 

What are some things that are holding you back from what you want to accomplish? 

Worrying about gaining fat.  Worrying that my body won't change.  Worrying that I'll get injured.  Worrying that I have a mild eating disorder.  Worrying that I'm spending too much time away from my kids on my own fitness planning and activities.  

How successful have you been to sticking to your stated goals each week? 

Successful.  I am a goal setter and goal achiever.  If it's in my Google Calendar, I do it. 

How do you FEEL about things? 

I feel anxious that the weight isn't heavy enough on my plan and I"m not going to be good at increasing to the right point without the presence of Meg.   I feel like I am eating so much protein that my stomach feels like it will explode, but it always seems to calm down and settle before I go to bed.   I feel like it's harder to learn to count macros than calories and that is irritating.  I feel like I couldn't love the Facebook group and the other Hardcore Hotties any more but I know I will because it's only been 4 days of interacting with them, and I have many more weeks to lean on them, to lift them up, to cheer them on, and to learn from them.  The leaders make me feel supported and seem to pull no punches like I need from Meg, so that is a total bonus!  


What are you most proud of? 

I am most proud of still continuing to take my socks off at yoga even after I realized I had those nasty-ass warts on my feet.  After a bit I nearly forgot that they were there and it was a very infrequent, fleeting thought to be embarrassed about them.  Did anyone say a word about my fucking warts?  NO.  Did I catch anyone looking sideways at them?  NO.  That taught me a few things.  A few very important life lessons that have helped me achieve goal after goal that I set for myself.  

It taught me that no one was really looking at me like I thought they were.  
It taught me that I could experience something great and not be bothered by how someone else might feel about my participation in it.  
It taught me that I could choose to be brave. 
It taught me that something might be horrible in the beginning but if I stick it out I will be rewarded. 
It taught me that my embarrassment is nothing but my own feeling.  No one shared it.  So why the hell would I still spend energy on it.  I'm too old for that shit.  

What are you scared of? 

I'm scared of failing.  I'm scared of being public about my quest for muscles and then derailing somehow and falling short.  

Share with us all a bit in the form of your mantra, your best tips, your ah-ha moments.

My mantra is "I've got moxie!"  I also chanted to myself  "Everything I need is within me" when the going got tough during the marathon.  I got through some tough tough spots with that mantra.   

When I don't feel like running or doing the workout, I remind myself it's one hour out of my day.  That's all I get is one hour so I am going to push it my hardest and work hard for those 60 minutes.  Then I have the rest of the time to relax and be there for everyone else and live life.  

Another strategy I use if I'm not in the mood to workout but it's on my calendar "I am able to work out".  I have some near and dear to me that aren't capable of working out like I can, so I damn well better not waste my gifts of ability.  It would be a slap in the face to those who want but can't.  

Lastly, I get into my workout clothes early.  If they are already on I'm much less likely to skip a workout.  I'd rather do the workout than face myself changing out of my workout gear without getting sweaty.   The horror.  

After EVERY workout and run I've ever completed, I've always been thrilled I did it.  I've never regretted a workout.    Sweating makes me feel alive!