you know what fucking sucks? a kid who kills himself fucking sucks.
you know what fucking sucks? a friend in a bad place fucking sucks.
this has been a two days of tragedy in my town, in my children's lives, and in my family.
i haven't even told my kids yet that their great uncle that they've been camping with, caught fish with, that they love, has died this morning. there is too much other trauma all around us with a teenager from our area committing suicide. and too much worry about a friend. this all hits close to home too, and old wounds are rubbed raw.
my uncle roger passed this morning from pancreatic cancer and i have to hold it together so they don't fall apart. being the adult is really really really hard. but the people in this world with the toughest row to hoe now are carol and her and roger's kids. roger was a swell guy. a really swell guy. having roger absent from their lives will be painful and devastating. i ache for them.
i think that the unseasonably warm and pleasant weather was ordered up specially for roger. roger is the quintessential outdoorsy guy-- built beautiful homes for a living, fished, camped, you name it, roger was outside doing it. typically this time of year it's still cold, snowy, and icy, and everyone is so sick of winter we just can't stand it anymore. but not this march. warm temps, warm sun. roger eked out as much life as he could the last month while at home with his family and all his friends. and he spent many days outside. outside walking the lake or sunning on the deck in the fresh crisp warm air that he loved.
we went to see rog last weekend and i told the kids 'no sad puppy dog faces', roger wants to laugh and have a good time and enjoy visiting. and they were chatty and happy and laughy and we had a grand time and i was so incredibly proud of them. we all joked around and had great last memories with roger.
case in point: we noticed my awesome grandpa (92 years!) was drinking coffee from a black mug that said "over the hill and off the pill" on it. and we were yucking it up so hard, unbeknownst to grandpa. so for one of our pictures, we arranged grandpa in the photo, all of us huddled around roger, and sneakily made sure gramps had his mug turned just so! lordy lordy lordy, what a vision!
my adorable auntie carol, on the right, is the most real person i know. she likes a good fart, like me. she tells it like it is, doesn't pull any punches, and she's a total hoot. she loves everyone. i love her very much. her and roger's marriage is one that i hold in high regard and hope to have as happy of a marriage as roger and carol have had. as carol would say- happy wife, happy life. LONG LIVE ROGER!
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