an hour. twitter is a vast time suck. i'm on twitter for the comedy. if twitter were solely made up of just @andyborowitz and @robdelaney i would be in hog heaven. those two almost never disappoint and are prolific tweeters. all day long, it's nutso. they tweet a ton. i don't really know another reason to be on twitter other than to read comedians. but it's worth it just for that purpose. but again, admittedly, a massive time suck.
for the first week after i started my twitter account, i was obsessed. kids be damned. any spare moment which should have been spent with my kids or husband, i had my nose in my twitter. my turn to make supper, there has to be some leftovers in the fridge. whiz bang, it's nuked and on the table. time to pick roni up from soccer? oh it's so cold out, oh okay i guess i'll go and get my coat... gallant al volunteers to do it. twitter here i come. i was ruthless.
i wanted to tweet funny things so badly. i gave it my all. for a week. then i discovered my limitation. it's nearly impossible for me to be clever and wry in 140 characters or less. 140 sounds like a large number but when one is bombastic, it's minuscule. i would get inspired, but once struck with the joke to tell i was spending too much time crafting the wording to fit the stupid letter limit, and the humor was suffering.
i guess i just need a whole bloggy blog or unlimited facebook status or (GASP!) have you face to face with me to be humorous. maybe being funny on twitter is a honed craft, but i haven't the time. i like writing and writing and writing til my heart's content or my face hits the laptop in exhaustion.
but i couldn't quit the twitter fight until i had one major success. and i set my sights on @robdelaney. while joke for joke, tweet for tweet, @andyborowitz gets top billing from me, @robdelaney is really my guy. while still political and relevant, his humor leans more toward sexual, gross out funny.
and i was looking for a retweet. getting a retweet from one of these dudes would allow me to hang up my twitter tweeting hat with honors. a retweet is a ringing endorsement that someone else thinks i'm funny. and i was looking for some twitter validation. then the pressure would be off and i could finally pay attention to my loved ones again.
however, no way was i stooping to the ridiculousness that i was witnessing on twitter for MY retweet needs. morons beg-tweet crap to @alecbaldwin such as "it's my birthday, can i get a retweet?" or "my girlfriend will say yes when i propose if i get a retweet!" to get retweeted. i was not going to grovel or rely on trickery. i vowed to do it the old fashioned way, by being funny.
within the hour that i decided tweeting was just too hard to be fun, @robdelaney tweeted the following and instinctively i offered up to him this reply:
and within a second not only did he retweet it (score!!!) but he FAVORITED my tweet. oh that's right! my joke was favorited by @robdelaney. that far exceeded my expectations and i could now retire from high pressure tweeting after one week, totally satisfied. i immediately texted my sister ragu, since she's the only other twitter freak i know. she ooohed and ahhhed and generously gave me the puffing up i required and that was that. i was favorited by the best. or second best.
oh my god! some other time i will tell you about the time that david sedaris PULLED OUT HIS POCKET SPIRAL NOTEBOOK AND WROTE DOWN MY JOKE FOR FUTURE USE.
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